Bizarre English Metaphors

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

taken from http://www.english-blog.com/archives/2006/06/really_bad_metaphors.php

AND

These little pants are to die for

Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Ok maybe just snails. What am I talking about? My newest Etsy listing, of course!




Here's a close up

I'm SO Moving to Canada

phone conversation with woman from toronto midwives collective:
March 11th, 2008

kate: “hi, we’ve looked over the information you gave us yesterday and we do have an available midwife for your due date - nicole. if you’re still interested, we can set up a time for you to meet her this week or next week.”

emily: “great, but i have a question first that you may or may not be able to answer. i tried to call my insurance provider yesterday and they hit a computer snag and couldn’t help me: we’re covered under UHIP (readers: university health insurance plan for international students), and i’m not sure if it covers midwife care for americans or other international students.”

kate: “okay, here’s the deal: you don’t have to have UHIP or OHIP (readers: ontario health insurance plan, which ontario residents have) or anything at all to receive care from us. you just have to live in ontario.”

emily: “no insurance?”

kate: ”no… you only have to live here for us to provide care. we don’t need to bill an insurance company.”

emily: “but you don’t bill me, either?”

kate: *pause* “no… we bill the ministry of health. you would only need to provide coverage or be billed for any ultrasounds and lab tests that you might need or want done (readers: which UHIP does completely). the rest is taken care of.”

emily: *silence*

kate: *laughs* “i just blew your mind, didn’t i?”

so… mikey and i are going to meet nicole next wednesday. and she’s free. FREE. thanks, ontario ministry of health.


Taken from http://www.catholicanarchy.org/papyrophobia/?p=377

Didn't Hear This on the Ten O'clock News?

Combo vaccine more likely to cause bad reactions
Thu, Feb 28, 2008 (HealthDay) —A Merck & Co. combination vaccine for measles, mumps, rubella and chickenpox caused higher rates of fever-related convulsions in children than two separate injections (one for chickenpox and another for the three other diseases), according to a U.S. study released Wednesday.

As a result of the finding about the combination vaccine ProQuad, the federal Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices moderated its preference for the vaccine, which received Food and Drug Administration approval in 2005, the Associated Press reported.

The study of children ages 12 months to 23 months found the rate of seizures was twice as high in children who received ProQuad, compared to those who received the two injections. That works out to about one extra case of convulsions for every 2,000 doses of ProQuad given to children, said researchers who presented the findings Wednesday at a meeting of the advisory committee.

Until Wednesday, the panel had said the ProQuad vaccine was preferable to giving children separate shots. But the new findings prompted the panel to amend its position and state that it no longer has a preference for the combo vaccine over the separate shots, the AP reported.

I Can't BELIEVE I'm Doing This

I'm writing about American Idol. Shit. I've always pretended like I don't actually watch American Idol, like, the TV just happens to be on at 8 o'clock on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. But this kid is just so awesome, I decided to post a couple of his videos. And I'll even admit publicly, I watch American Idol. And I like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0d4U2KLNwGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2SCxlqR8RU